perspective
Dec. 22nd, 2008 07:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
darren_strangerLast week my brother-in-law was rushed to hospital with what turned out to be a large cancerous tumour, which they removed right away, but found had spread to other areas. In the end the prognosis was that his chances are quite good, but for a while things were looking pretty grim. In the 24 hours that it took to get a proper answer from the doctors (after a brief "you've got cancer, it's spread, fill you in later"), he'd made his will, told his friends and family and was pretty much resigned to the fact he was dying.
While i was worried about what he and his family were going through and what was going to happen to them, my thoughts also kept coming back to that other question: What if it was me? What if i was told i was dying? How would i feel, what regrets would i have, and what would matter to me aside from those i'd be leaving behind? One thing really came home to me: All the things that i occupy so much of my mind and time with, my likes and dislikes, the things i like to do, read, wear or look at, so much of what i think of as 'me' really wouldn't matter, as all of that would in the end be taken away and gone. There's a lot said about the things you can't take with you, in terms of material wealth and possessions, but i realised that it also applies to things you do as well as the things you have. Things you do for yourself, the things you enjoy and experiences you have accumulated - when you die you lose all that. It occurred to me that the only thing you won't lose is what you've given out into the world, as you've already given it away. All the rest - that's just wallpaper to make this life pleasant while you're living in it, but it's not what counts. I've had similar ideas before, but this brought it home to me in a way that was much more real and immediate. (And yes, this is what i most want to change in my own life).
I guess this is why some philosophers and religious people say you should always be mindful of the fact that you could die any day - not because of what could happen in the next life, but to put into perspective what really matters in this one.
So, cliche or not, there's something to think about: If you were told tomorrow that you were dying, what would really matter to you?
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Date: 2008-12-22 09:34 am (UTC)it's the abstract that's important, it's how you made a differance in other peoples lives, that's what you leave behind. i can no longer count how many people i have helped and i hope to be remembered as that decent guy who did the right thing. and i always try to leave behind more than i took.
i'm not the smartest or the funniest guy in a room, nor the best looking or the most generous, but i have conviction of my principles and i stick by them what-ever the cost. i will take a fall if someone needs the win more than me. i never want to take away from myself that i can be a decent human being and i like that someone might just follow that simple example.
what i want to leave behind is decency.
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Date: 2008-12-22 09:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-22 10:09 am (UTC)And I haven't really thought about what you matter to me if *I* died, but I do think about what matters to my loved ones before they die. You know me and you know that I tell those I care about every day how much I love them :) Especially Mum and Derek. I want them to feel loved.. that's important to me. And I guess you too :)
Kinda makes you think that those little hurts and fights aren't really worth it with friends and loved ones.
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Date: 2008-12-22 11:03 pm (UTC)Yeah, life really is too short for the petty stuff.
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Date: 2008-12-22 11:07 pm (UTC)in other news..
Date: 2008-12-23 12:00 am (UTC)Grey-headed Flying-foxes are an important part of Melbourne’s wildlife, and until recently have been roosting in the Royal Botanic Gardens. Their presence in the Royal Botanic Gardens was not sustainable due to the sensitive nature of the vegetation.
A relocation project was undertaken and the colony was successfully moved out of the Royal Botanic Gardens. In October 2003, the colony moved to Yarra Bend Park, where the females gave birth and raised their young over the summer months.
Recently the State Government announced that Yarra Bend Park would remain the permanent roost site for Melbourne’s colony of Grey-headed Flying-foxes.
The flying-fox colony is best viewed from Yarra Boulevard or Bellbird Picnic Area (Melway Map 44 K3).
Re: in other news..
Date: 2008-12-23 12:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-22 11:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-22 11:19 pm (UTC)True.
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Date: 2008-12-22 11:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-22 12:50 pm (UTC)Making a will has been on my list of things to do since my 20s.
Might try and pick up a will kit tomorrow.
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Date: 2008-12-22 11:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-22 10:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-22 03:59 pm (UTC)"My hitlist" isn't much of an answer, but it is an answer.
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Date: 2008-12-22 11:30 pm (UTC)I sort of know in general terms. It's the specifics that i find hard to pin down. Too much time spent looking at the wallpaper.
Enjoy life
Date: 2008-12-22 10:49 pm (UTC)I guess, when you know someone close to you, it hits you like a tonne of bricks as to when you read about someone else unknown to you.
A will is on my list too. Just a bit harder for me as all my folks are in Germany. Appointing someone to deal with it if something happens.
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Date: 2008-12-22 11:01 pm (UTC)At least, after the worst possible news, the next round could only have been better. As it was, it made the final prognosis seem like the best possible news.
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Date: 2008-12-22 10:58 pm (UTC)If I were told tomorrow that I were dying the thing that would REALLY matter the most to me is that everyone I love KNOWS that I love them. And I believe that they do. :) Also to put their grief to rest as death is all part of the amazing journey & that there is nothing to fear.
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Date: 2008-12-22 11:41 pm (UTC)"..that everyone I love KNOWS that I love them"
I remember that being top of my thoughts when my father died. Definitely worth keeping in mind .
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Date: 2008-12-23 03:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-23 07:56 am (UTC)As in hoping he knew.
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Date: 2008-12-23 01:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-23 05:26 am (UTC)My father is in hospital today having a colonoscopy. We are hoping it is not a reoccurance of the bowel cancer he had a few years ago. It's unlikely we'll find out anything until after Christmas, and perhaps not until the new year. There is both good and bad in that.
To answer your question I have faced this question on many occassions. The best advice I was given was by a friend who said to write down the 10 things you most want to do....then just do them. Do not wait, just get on with it. It seemed like good advice. At least the chances of regrets become minimalised.
*hugs* & I hope you & yours have a peaceful Festive season.
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Date: 2008-12-23 08:03 am (UTC)May you and yours have the same - if "peaceful" is appropriate for a Pxx Christmas. :)
Best wishes for a good colonoscopy result too (i wonder if there's a card for that).
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Date: 2008-12-24 03:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-23 01:36 pm (UTC)