RIP little black cat

[darren_stranger]

Little Blackie, aka Sickboy, is dead.

 

Of the gang of strays that turned up late last year, he was the last that we hadn't tamed, though he was slowly coming around.  We weren't sure what to do with him when we move, as while the other two are now totally tame, he's obviously been feral for a very long time (possibly all his life, given the size and state of him) and even after more than a year of feeding him he still was wary of us and wouldn't come nearer than he had to. He wasn't going to be a housecat any time soon.  But we didn't want to just leave him behind either, as he had come to mainly depend on us for food.   

We decided we had no choice but to catch him and take him to the new place, and hope that even if he didn't tame down he'd at least still be there long enough before he escaped to decide that that's where the food was and hang around.  But what i was most afraid of, given he wasn't the healthiest looking cat (hence his former name) was that when we caught him and took him to the vet, they'd take one look at him and say he was too sick to save.  I really couldn't stand the thought that we were setting a trap for him to catch him for a death sentence.

Well, some things you can't control.  It turned out he had feline AIDS and was not a well kitty at all.  Our worst fears were right and he had to be put down.  It broke both our hearts (i can still picture his little eyes slanting at me as he asked for his dinner) but there wasn't another option.  Maybe a sheltered, pampered housecat could survive with FIV for some time, but that wasn't the life he'd had and he was already in pretty bad shape.  I feel guilty that we did catch him only to be killed, but if we'd left him behind he would have got sicker and had an unpleasant end, as well as infecting other cats (there's one little tortoiseshell kitty we already know of who will be FIV positive now - they do rough sex, not safe sex).  We can only hope that none of our others were infected, though the chance is small as they didn't seem to fight or have sex with him (the two main ways).  We still have to wait a few weeks to get them tested, to be sure, so that's another worry.

I felt nothing last night when Elaine told me (i was at work and didn't know she'd caught him), which is my usual emotional defence for sad thing (shutdown), but now i'm almost teary picturing his little misshapen body, almost trusting eyes and funny shaped, tiny eared flat face (it'll be a while before i can watch Godzilla and not get sad). 

Once again, maybe that was what the strange sadness that came over me in the afternoon for no apparent reason (even before i lost my coat and phone at the train station) was getting me ready for.

I'll miss you, little hunchbacked cat.

Sorry.